"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning."
- Benjamin Franklin
Inevitably, in all careers but especially in game design, you reach a crossroads of sorts where you question the quality and validity of your work. How to move past that road block you ask? Simple: give up. The road ahead is too hard, and someone with your mediocre talent is not going to cut it no matter how many hours you spend in your free time honing your craft. I'm talking about the extra hours you spend learning the new tools at work or the extra "fifteen minutes" you said you were going to apply to that model or image you were working on before bed...two hours ago. The weekends you spend inside your home office while your friends are outside hiking in the sun or grilling on their patios. Go. Participate in life my unique little butterfly. Be free.
Rediscover what drives you.
Now, if you think all that advice is B.S. well then you would be half right. You DO need to find that work/life balance everyone keeps telling me about, to be sure...but that's not what this talk is about in this post. It's about getting that confidence back; that fire inside you long ago at art school before your first break or when you had that previous "dead end" job. That feeling in the pit of your stomach while waiting for that job post to return positive and not with the "thanks for your interest but we won't be proceeding any further; best of luck" response. It's these moments or opportunities in life that made you go the extra mile or put in the extra hours to begin with when you started out. The need and desire to prove not only to yourself, but others, that you can do the job and do it well. Furthermore, it's validation that you know (unlike some madmen posing as level designers) what you're doing by talking the talk and walking the walk. Those are called stepping stones by the way - they're steps that drove you to succeed as opposed to going the opposite direction or remaining complacent and staying in one place. They suck at the time, to be sure, but they are necessary to most of us because even the most driven designers sometimes need a little reminder or kick in the pants.
Re-evaluate your position: You got this far for a reason.
When I first arrived at my current company, I had been in the game industry five years already, however, it's not the time accrued but the titles shipped that count. By most standards I should have been a senior level designer but I was starting over again somewhere new, and that meant proving myself to my new peers. You can argue, "Well, you passed the design test or nailed the interview so that should be enough..." but it's not, especially if you never shipped anything before. Would you like taking direction from a senior or team lead that's never shipped a title? Technical experience only goes so far, but production experience is something you can truly measure yourself by. Have you spent time in the trenches with the other grunts, pulling the overtime hours and surviving the crunch? Did you learn the pipeline or were you there for others when they needed assistance carrying the load? Do that a few times, do it well and maybe you'll be counted on (read as "trusted") by others to make critical and well thought out decisions in the future. After I had shipped a few titles, people responded to me with disbelief when I told them that I wasn't technically a senior even though many looked at me as such. One day, without really noticing, you turn that corner, and you're not the 'new guy' asking questions anymore but the senior veteran answering questions or solving problems that move the production along while instilling confidence.
Leave an impression by helping others.
If you truly want to spike your confidence levels then support a junior or entry level artist. Make yourself available and take the time to remember what it was like to struggle yourself when trying to get to the next step. Learn to give constructive feedback (*sidenote: it's called feedback and not criticism). Many times I've had a teacher or professor say to me, "That's wrong, or that's not going to work. Do it again." In my experience, the best teachers will say, "That's wrong BUT here's how to make it better or how you can improve it." You're not holding someone's hand by telling them exactly how to do something (teach a man to fish and so on...), but you're leading them toward the right path. "Hey, here's what I might try or what you could do..." and let them interpret the feedback from there. They don't have to follow your directions exactly and most times I hope they don't - I hope they use that information to come to a conclusion on their own. My vision for design is still my vision; I'm just trying to guide you toward creating your own. Point the way or provide a map and let that person take the steps they need to go where they need to get to become self-reliant. Then you've acted as a mentor and helped someone grow as an artist or just be a better person. Trust me, that's much better and rewarding than personal glory.
...
There is a claim that artists do their best work when they're starving, hence the phrase: "starving artist." They stay hungry for that light at the end of the tunnel; they keep working toward it - never resting, never satisfied with their results. There is also another saying that good things come to those who wait. I like to think that good things come to those who refuse to wait and never give up by working their asses off. Be the person that's always striving, constantly trying to get to the next level, never settling or ready to admit, "I've made it; I succeeded." Be your harshest critic, plain and simple. The moment you accept this reality is the time you work begins to suffer, and you stop trying to better yourself. That flame of desire goes out, and you start down a long road to mediocrity.
So, when those ghosts of despair and doubt come around to haunt you, take the time to remember and focus on what you're passionate about to ward them off. Tune out the negatives in your life and list out the positive accomplishments you've reached so far, no matter how small to date. Take that knowledge and impart it on another; use it to pay it forward. Remain confident and never stop pushing by working through the tough times because I guarantee you the minute you give up is the moment just before success comes knocking and you reach that next goal.
- Vincent Lombardo, Senior Level Designer
(There is a quote by Ira Glass about the gap between our taste and the work we produce as creatives - go check it out. I'll wait.)
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